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Why Everyone Ought to do Background Checks in New Relationships


By Titilayo Olurin

Don’t we all love the perfect love story that gets us misty-eyed and goose-bumped? I know I do. You see, I love the idea of a dreamy romance springing up from the most unlikely places and developing into a great happily ever after, just like we see in the movies.

So when I read the recently trending Uber love story, I thought: what could make for a more perfect romance? An Uber driver, Shola, becomes the groom to a lady, Ebiemi, soon after responding to her request for an Uber ride. Of course, the bride is quick to paint her groom as the perfect prince charming. He is, to her, everything she ever wanted and exactly as she had always dreamed.

Then, just as I catch myself envying this lucky bride and her groom, the ex-girlfriend appears on the scene with details contrary to the bride’s picture perfect portrayal of her groom. It suddenly doesn’t look like the perfect romance anymore. Accusations of cheating, violence, and extortion fly from the ex-girlfriend who is reminiscent of the female characters in the movie, ‘The Ghosts of the Girlfriends Past’, where the past relationships of the man haunt him. Except that this is real life and Ebiemi, who goes all out to defend her husband, was probably never aware of the skeletons in her husband’s closet.

In all of this, there is a lesson to be learnt, and that is, everyone should endeavour to do a background check when dating someone new to avoid unpleasant surprises. A little background check makes all the difference between a great love story and a – well, not too great one or even a dangerous one. Going with the flow or loving the mystery of dating someone new without doing a background check is so not cool. That new partner may have the most amazing and charming personality ever, look like Denzel Washington or Idris Elba, wear the best clothes, but it doesn’t mean that he is not a deadbeat or a douche bag.

Since almost everyone is on one social media platform or another, you don’t have to be a detective to find out about your partner. There is the quick, easy, and fast Google to run to as well as Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and a host of others. Tweets, pictures, and posts say a lot about the man you’re getting into a relationship with.

But, trust me, there is no better way to do a background check than speaking with your partner’s ex. Yes, the ex! The ex-girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband is almost certainly the best person to talk to when you need to find out if there are demons lurking somewhere in your partner’s past.

Who better to give firsthand information on your partner than his ex, someone who is more privy to his idiosyncrasies than you are? There are a few dangers here, though. The ex might not have gotten over her previous relationship with your partner or may be bitter about something in her past relationship with him and this may translate into whatever she tells you. She might also be wary of divulging personal information about her previous relationship to you, a complete stranger. But if she doesn’t mind speaking with you and is genuine and honest, she’ll be the best bet for a good background check.

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  1. Talk to exes?!!! those people are filled with bitterness, I would rather not. Let me find bae’s demons on my own.

  2. Lol @ Destiny. But on a more serious note, I don’t subscribe to the idea of ‘opening ur new boo’s can of worms’. Finding out things on your own is advisable besides, people change for the better …or worse?

  3. I dont think I want to go all ‘Sherlock Holmes’ or ‘ Agatha Christie’ on Le Boo. i wouldn’t feel at ease if partner goes snooping into my past via exes. Abeg let sleeping dogs lie.


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