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Gender Differences In Communication Styles



Ilori Titilayo


Its no wonder that women and men communicate differently, given our historical background.

In the hunting and gathering days, men were genetically prepared for stalking prey. To do this, men had to be able to focus on one thing at a time and tune out all other distraction. Women on the other hand, were back at the fort, raising children.

Their senses were fine turned for focusing on the task at hand while at the same time being aware of any nearby danger or approaching predators.

Hence, women’s ability to multitask and men’s difficulty in following a detailed and elaborate conversation.

Add to the mix that women have been raised to nurture, soothe and comfort, while men are traditionally raised to solve problems and keep emotions hidden.

Communicating with your spouse is like speaking two different languages.


*How to communicate with her*

Allow her to vent, if your wife is upset, all she may need is to express her feelings. Rather than trying to solve her problems, offer her your ears of support. Once she feels heard, she will naturally calm down.

Its her nature, she talks more, realise that its a fact of life that women use twice as many words as men do.

Don’t be frustrated by it. Find her own solution,or the two of you can brainstorm together


Listen with your whole body, when women speak, she’s not just conveying words, she’s communicating  emotion, tone and meaning.


Don’t just listen with your ears, listen with all of your senses. What does her body say? She may be saying she’s fine, but does she look fine or does she look sad or angry.


*Speak from your heart*

Women like to connect on a heart and soul level.

When you converse with your wife, step out of your analyzer and into your heart.

Along with sharing your ideas and thought, share your feelings, passions and longings.


Share personal stories from the perspective of how you felt, what was triggered in you, what you learned and how you grew as a result of the experience.

Allow the conversation to flow, let go of the need to fully complete your thought or story picture. Allow your wife to interject with her thoughts and ideas, trusting that you will get am opportunity to pick up where you left off.


*How to communicate with him*


Nagging worsens communication, don’t go about nagging and screaming the whole house down in order to get him to listen or interact with you. If you go on and on that way, he will not grab a single word from your screaming voice.


Good timing, make sure that the time that you are choosing to talk about whatever is important to you is appropriate. If he is in the middle of watching the big game or just got home from work, he is less likely to listen attentively. Choose a time without distractions to discuss it.


Show him the importance, make sure he knows this conversation is important to you.

He may not realize the seriousness or importance the subject has for you.

Don’t bore him with too many details. Its important to give him all the details that make the story or situation make sense, but try to refrain from adding too much extra information.

Don’t get angry with him if he doesn’t understand why you are upset. If kemi at work, said an offensive comment to you at lunch and you’ve been brewing on it all day, your guy may not be able to relate.

Men are not as easily agitated by other people’s rudeness as women.

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