So a lot has been said about the recent break down of Tiwa Savage and Teebillz’s marriage. Tiwa in responding to the accusations, revealed a lot about the true state of her marriage, her husband’s struggle with alcohol, drugs, financial irresponsibility and mental abuse. No one plans for their relationship to hit the rocks, but they do anyway, it’s how you bounce back from it that matters. Below are a few things Tiwa said during that interview that holds a deeper message for women, read below:
“I’m going to say I made a mistake. I’m not ashamed to say it at this point. Everyone says you can’t walk out of your marriage, our culture frowns on it, you have to stay in it, you have to make it work… Okay, I made a mistake, do I want to wait 10 – 15 years”
“If you’re not happy, you can leave”
“And I was scared, like he said, will I ever find somebody?, My age…I’m getting up there?…Now I have a child, Will I ever find happiness?, Will I ever find somebody to marry me? That’s the misconception I feel sometimes in our society…. I don’t care at this point if I ever get married, I don’t care”
“You know what I care about, I care about being happy for Jamil, I care about being strong, I care about not walking on egg shells. Not knowing what state he’s going to be in”
“Yes, I do want a man that works, that would help me with my financial burden. I’m not saying he has to be a billionaire, but somebody that can help or at least not put me in more debt”
“I will never play the victim card of being in a physically abusive relationship, but it was a mentally abusive relationship, because everyday all I hear from TJ is ‘I made you, you’re nothing without me, I’m the one that created you” I took you from nothing’… “You didn’t find me in a dustbin!” ‘Look at your old pictures, look at you now”
“He made it easier for me to finally walk away”
Amidst all of the drama, here’s the lesson ladies:
The woman regardless of who, where she’s from, how educated or how well travelled she is faces challenges in her relationship and marriage, but how we often deal with these challenges doesn’t differ so much – except for a select few.
We are thought to be quiet, endure and build our homes regardless of how much damage is being done to us by our partners, thus the woman has been burnt many times by entitled men.
So, even if you chose to ignore the warning signs at the start, and endure the pains in between, it’s never too late to leave in the future – leave and be happy.
Nigerian women need to burst out of that bubble society has put us in and face reality. You can be happy with or without a man.
Do not cover up the hurt that you feel in your relationship. You’re better off alone and happy than in a relationship you have to spend every waking hour defending. It’s toxic! Love isn’t to be endured, but enjoyed.
Do not cover up a man’s irresponsible behaviour at the expense of your person – do not be dragged down that hole of despair, shame, unhappiness and depression.
You have the choice to walk away. Don’t stay because of all the crazy, untrue misconceptions society has created. There is no shame in admitting your mistakes and moving on to a happier, healthier life.
Dear women, do try to make it work with your man, but if you get to that point where reality hits you hard, face it with all of your being. You can do better, you can be happy, you can do bad all by yourself.