There aren’t enough articles that tell one what to do, when love that belong only in fairytales end, but there are innumerable write ups about sinking oneself in fairytale love. Inevitably everything comes to an end, even love, this is not me being pessimistic, it is me acknowledging the reality of what eventually happens.
It is usually same story, as old as time itself; boy meets girl, there is something about butterflies, fever, giddiness and obsession. Then just as suddenly as the fire threatens to engulf an individual, it begins to ebb. In most cases, the fires of emotions ebb faster with men than women.
Then comes the endless excuses, the never ending meetings and the ‘ I am busy’ mantra, the polite act of ‘ghosting’, the disconnect and just like that, indviduals who seemed to be joined at the hip, begin to disengage. In cases like this, one is usually abandoned, to pick up the broken pieces, left by the other, who is just as eager to embrace his or her freedom.
What does the one left behind do when love ends? ineludibly, the pain, loneliness and anguish is like a physical illness, that is demoralizing.
When Iove ends, the emotional pain one feels, may often times translate into physical agony, the tightness in the chest and the heart palpitations you feel. The simple act of breathing becomes quite paralyzing, thus the more you breathe, the more pain you are likely to feel. Take short breaths, not deep gulps, because you will conceivably crumble if you do. Concentrate really hard on breathing, one second at a time, minute by minute.
Embrace the pain:
It is a human reaction to either recoil from pain, or make attempts to stop it, in this case when love ends. The first reaction is to hold on tight to who is causing that pain, because there is the belief that they alone can make it stop or take it away. This translates into incessantly calling and texting the defunct partner; stalking them on social media and in worst cases, you may abandon all dignity and literally beg them to stay with you.
Another expected reaction to love when it ends, is to recoil from the pain, which becomes you overcompensating by indulging in meaningless pleasures or flimsy acts of hedonism. Therein lies the reality of the rebound, to get a replacement ASAP! One who will fill the void in your heart. You may drink too much, sex too much, basically too much of anything and everything. The rebound and the pursuit of hedonism only temporarily soothes a broken heart. This is synonymous to laying a flimsy band aid over a rather deep cut.
With regards a reaction to pain, do neither, however the third option is the hardest and the best under the circumstance, you should embrace the pain. Don’t go over it, don’t go around it, rather immerse yourself in it, let it surround you. From that pain, strength you had no clue you possessed will emerge.
Turn the Pain Inwards:
Now you have remembered to breathe, embraced the pain, it doesn’t just stop there, you must turn it inwards. Let it become fire that will purge you, foster that pain into activities that will make you better. Turning the pain inwards to foster your own personal greatness, is a step in the right direction to healing.
Turning pain inwards, will have you busy with goal oriented activities, that will inadvertently fill your day, thus there will be no room to pine and waste away. Therefore learn a new language, get another degree or certification, make more money, travel to new places, learn a new skill. Whatever you choose to do, let the activity have you mentally invested, that will keep you distracted.
Focus on you:
Being single gives you the right to be somewhat selfish, while in a relationship, you are expected to compromise and consider your partner. When love ends, you become loyal to only one person and that is you. Furthermore the time away from a partner, gives you a form of rediscovery of self, you may have lost while being in love. What are the qualities unique to you, rediscover them, hone them and own these qualities.
Never forget the experience:
Most importantly when love ends, it is expected that you are armed with knowledge and experience to avoid making similar mistakes in your new relationship, thus you are wiser in your dealings with a new lover, or an old one . You should get smarter, more perceptive and emotionally strengthened. Never forget the experience or the knowledge you may have acquired, with the end of love.
It is possible that you may shrink into your protective shell and never want to come out or experience love again, don’t be. Be fearless, be bold, be open to fall in love again, just not too soon. Give yourself enough time to heal, don’t jump into another relationship like a drowning man or woman, because if you do not divest yourself of the emotional baggage you are sure to carry with you from your past relationship, the new one will inevitably crumble.